A LIST FROM Least Intimate To Most Intimate

• “This guy that I’m making eyes in the dairy aisle at Trader Joe’s”
• “This guy I’m hoping wrote a Missed Connection about me”
• “This guy I’m writing a Missed Connection about”
• “This guy I’m sucking in my FUPA for as he walks by at the party”
• “This guy whose 1,447 Facebook photos I’m clicking through at 3 am”
• “This guy that I’m meeting at a bar on Tuesday”
• “This guy I’m grinding up against at Lit”
• “This guy I’m buying $30 mascara for”
• “This guy I’m watching ‘Harry Potter’ with on Friday”
• “This guy whose ex I’m stalking on Twitter”
• “This guy I’m Wikipediaing Roland Barthes to sound smart for”
• “This guy I’m grooming my pubic hair for right before our date just in case”
• “This guy I’m throwing out my monthly contacts for three days in so that I can sleep over”
• “This guy whose dickpics I’m hiding in my 11th grade AP US History folder”
• “This guy I’m hooking up with”
• “This guy I’m fucking”
• “This guy I’m sleeping with”
• “This guy I’m going on the pill for”
• “This guy I’m kinda seeing”
• “This guy I’m kinda dating”
• “This guy I’m seeing”
• “This guy I’m dating”
• “This guy I’m with”
• “This guy I’m falling for”
• “This guy I’m holding hands with”
• “This guy I’m baking double chocolate cookies with on a Sunday afternoon”
• “This guy I’m making hot and spicy soup for to clear his sinuses”
• “This guy whose socks I’m washing with my laundry”
• “This guy whose collar I’m ruining with snot and tears”
• “This guy whose mom is knitting me a sweater”
• “This guy I’m accompanying to visit his grandma in a hospital in Connecticut”
• “My boyfriend”